The Pilgrimage Begins
Pilgrimage. By definition, it’s a journey to a holy place that can lead to personal transformation. Because of that journey, daily life is forever changed.
Typically, that journey is to a physical place – a cathedral or a shrine. Yet, that journey can also be to a metaphysical place, that is, to a place of the mind or a destination of the spirit.
Last month, I embarked on this latter pilgrimage. I hadn’t planned on it. I certainly didn’t seek it. However, circumstances put me on that road. And I am determined to be changed by it.
Allow me to give you the back story. Over my 74 years, the vast majority of the headlines in my life were of a “good news” nature – upbeat and positive. For example, on the relational side, being married to my best friend for 48 years, having three amazing children, seven special grandchildren, and great friends.
Then there was the ministry side: 34 years of leading Fellowship; decades of leadership opportunities and speaking engagements, 6 years of pouring myself into pastors through DDM.
Those points of pain and struggle that did come my way were relatively few and far between: the pressures of pastoring, the deaths of my parents, the sudden loss of dear friends, the diagnosis of prostate cancer. I was able to recover from all of these and move on.
However, last month all of that changed.
Cancer
For some time, I had been experiencing some discomfort in swallowing food. It wasn’t agonizing, but enough to get my attention.
When I mentioned this to my family doctor, she said that it was probably esophagitis, an inflammation of the esophagus due to acid reflux. But she referred me to a gastroenterologist to get it checked out.
I went in for an endoscopy, a procedure in which a camera would be inserted down my throat so he could take a look. He seemed confident that it was simply some scar tissue due to acid reflux that he could remove, and then put me on some medication to deal with the cause.
When I was in recovery, the doctor and his nurse came in to see Gwen and me. He looked grim and proceeded to say that, surprisingly, he had discovered a mass in my esophagus.
I asked him if it was cancer, and he nodded, saying, “It looks that way to me.” I went numb, as did Gwen. We were shocked…and we were shaken.
I was referred to an oncologist whom, fortunately, we already knew. After reviewing the pathology report, he confirmed the diagnosis. I have esophageal cancer. He then ordered a PET scan to see if the cancer had spread.
The results came back, and they were not good. The cancer had metastasized to the lining of my abdomen.
“I’m sorry to tell you,” the doctor said, “that it is officially Stage 4. As such, it is incurable. My goal is to start you on a chemo treatment plan that will allow for the best possible remission.” That treatment will begin later this month.
When I asked him how long I might have, he said, “It all depends upon how your body reacts to the treatment. If it responds well, perhaps a few years. If it doesn’t respond well, a matter of months.”
As you might imagine, this has rocked our world.
How We’re Doing
Future plans have been altered. Coaching sessions have been put on hold. Scheduled speaking engagements have been cancelled.
This will obviously affect the ministry of DDM. We will be meeting with our board this week to discuss our options. We will keep you apprised of our plans in the weeks to come.
You might be wondering how Gwen and I are doing. Frankly, it has been very hard. Emotions swirl: shock, denial, grief, uncertainty, etc. Those of you who have experienced the terrible word “cancer” can relate.
Yet in multiple ways, the Lord has shown His faithfulness.
He has provided us with an oncologist of the highest caliber who is familiar with my family and is offering outstanding care.
He has brought individuals into our lives who can relate to the uncertainty of a challenging physical diagnosis and offer insight and comfort.
He has prompted literally hundreds of individuals to proclaim their love and promise their prayers.
A Promise to Hold On To
One of the most remarkable evidences of His lovingkindness came in the aftermath of the endoscopy. As Gwen went to get the car, I sat in the recovery room, still reeling from the news.
And I felt a hand on my shoulder. Looking up, I recognized one of the nurses who had been present during the procedure and who had heard the report.
I’d never met the woman before. She had no idea who I was or what I was.
She leaned in and said, “I have a word of Scripture for you: ‘I am with you always, even to the end of the age.’” She gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze, and then she walked away. I have not seen her or heard from her since.
The next day I was spending some time with the Lord, trying to get a handle on the previous 24 hours. I asked Him, “What would you want to say to me?”
And the thought came as clear as a bell: “I already spoke to you. I spoke to you through that nurse. “I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
That word will be the theme of my pilgrimage. My Lord will be with me as I walk this road. Moreover, I’m convinced that, having walked it, I will be transformed, learning what it means to trust Him as never before and growing in my compassion for those who also walk such a road.
We are thankful for all of you and would be grateful for your prayers.
PRAYER REQUESTS
Here’s how you can pray for us in the coming days:
Our next appointment with the oncologist is July 11. We should be getting information about the treatment plan. PRAY for wisdom and knowledge for Dr. Nattam and his team as they make decisions about the best ways to fight this cancer.
PRAY for our emotional and mental health.
PRAY for our kids and grandkids as they process this news, too.
PRAY this scripture for us: I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. (Phil. 1:20)