Leading Your Stressed Staff
One of the unique challenges that pastors have in these difficult days is that of shouldering responsibility for the well-being of others. The role requires wearing multiple hats: spouse, parent, child (if there are elderly parents involved), and shepherd of the flock.
Each of these demands focused attention and specialized engagement.
However, there’s another role that needs to be assumed. It has to do with the care of the church staff.
I heard a podcast recently where the discussion included the subject of how lead pastors could help their teams handle stress. The fact is that even the healthiest and most mature staff members are facing it. Yet they might not want to admit it.
It may be a function of pride…or shame. It could be that they haven’t found a safe place to process it. Or it might be that they don’t want to add to the senior pastor’s burden.
So, it will be up to that senior pastor to identify the elephant in the room: EVERYONE IS DEALING WITH STRESS.
One expert suggests that when it comes to dealing with problems, there are different kinds of leaders.
There are leaders who ignore problems. “We are all doing just fine.”
There are leaders who resist problems. “Don’t give me more bad news. I don’t want to hear it.”
There are leaders who wait for problems to find them. “Let me know when you have an issue and I’ll help you deal with it.”
And then there are leaders who actively search for problems. In a sense, they go looking for trouble.
Some leaders ignore problems. Others resist problems, while still others wait for problems to find them. Then there are leaders who actively search for problems. This is leadership in the way of Jesus who came to seek and save the lost.
Looking for Trouble
This last example is leadership in the way of Jesus. “I have come to SEEK and to SAVE that which was LOST” (Luke 19:10).
There are several words in that verse that we would do well to unpack.
First of all is the word seek. Rather than passive observation, it speaks of active pursuit. Jesus came looking for the problem.
And then the word save. The word means “heal.” Jesus came for the purpose of healing that which was lost.
That word lost, in the original Greek means “broken beyond repair.”
Jesus, as a leader, went looking for trouble. He intentionally sought out human brokenness. And then He facilitated the healing of it.
So how might this work out in a church staff situation?
1. First of all, you need to follow Jesus’ example and go looking for trouble.
Don’t assume that everyone is emotionally healthy and coping well. They aren’t!
To varying degrees, this pandemic has resulted in brokenness across the board. And that brokenness needs to be diagnosed before it can be healed.
2. Call your team together.
If it’s at all possible ask for everyone to be present. This not only allows for all to hear, but it demonstrates that the topic is important.
3. Surface the issue.
One of the jobs of leadership is to define reality – what currently is. “We’re all feeling stress. That’s to be expected. Indeed you can’t go through these trying days without feeling stress. So it’s going to be important that we put words to how we’re handling it.”
4. Set an example of vulnerability.
Share specific examples with your team of what stress looks like for you. “Here’s how stress is working itself out in me. I’m finding myself waking up multiple times in the middle of the night with all kinds of what-if thoughts going through my head.” Or, “I’m looking to just numb out by spending way too many hours on social media.” Or, “I find myself snapping at my kids.” Or, “I’m overeating and under-exercising.”
5. Allow for group feedback.
After demonstrating such honesty, the leader can then ask, “How about you? How is stress perhaps surfacing in your thoughts or actions?”
The leader’s example of vulnerability might well trigger a groundswell of discussion. Some will identify with what he/she shared. Others might offer where they are struggling. This can be one of the most unlikely team-building exercises you’ve ever led.
6. Let them know that you will be contacting each of them individually.
While the extroverts might readily share their points of struggle (at least those that are somewhat safe), the introverts will shrink back from opening up to the crowd. They will need to experience the security that comes from a private conversation. (For that matter, even extroverts need that in order to get below the surface.)
7. Meet with each staff member and probe their stress levels.
One way to do this is by having an “envelope conversation.” It puts the “problem” within the bookends of relationship.
Envelope Conversations:
Begin with “relationship past” – how much you have valued the co-worker and how much you have appreciated the privilege of partnering with them. This can create a context of trust.
Then move to the “present problem.” In light of how much you value them, ask them to assess their current mental health as it relates to stress. Where it’s heaviest and how it’s being manifested.
Don’t speed through this or immediately seek to “fix them.” Nod. Affirm. Ask questions. Probe further.
You don’t have to be a counselor here. All you need to be is a listener.
You can also be one who offers resources (“Here’s what I’ve been reading”) or referrals (What if you would talk with this person?”)
Finally, end the conversation with “relationship future” – how you so look forward to navigating the future with them. This reaffirms the fact that, even though they are struggling with stress, there’s still a place for them on the team.
To be sure, not all leaders will be equally skilled in doing all of this. However, to my way of thinking, all leaders need to be equally committed to doing all of this.
Only by having the pulse of your staff, can you lead them well, knowing when to affirm and when to admonish. And if you take the time to go looking for trouble, they will be more than willing to receive not only the former but the latter.
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