The Peril of Perfectionism
I enjoyed meeting with my coaching groups last week. It’s so gratifying to see these young pastors eagerly leaning into their professional development.
Yet it was in a follow-up phone call that I witnessed another need. It had to do with personal development. And, by God’s grace, I was able to speak into it.
Let me explain. Early on, I had told the guys in the groups that I would be more than willing to speak one-on-one with them if they ever had a desire to do so. I realized that there might well be more private issues that they’d like to discuss.
A few days back, one of them took me up on the offer. We spoke at length on the issue of “perfectionism.” It was born out of a noble desire: “I so want to be a great dad and husband. And I so long to be a quality leader in my church. Yet, I feel like I can’t measure up and I’m haunted by the fact that I will fail.”
The irony of this is that this young man is really a solid guy. From what I can observe, he is highly committed to be all that he can be – both at home and at the church.
However, this noble goal had taken a negative turn. He was haunted that he wasn’t doing enough. And that, in the end, he would fail those he loved. Even more, that He would fail the Lord.
The young man then said, “The reason I wanted you to coach me was not only to learn from you but to see if you ever had feelings like this. Can you relate to this idea of never quite measuring up?”
I was so honored to be brought into his internal wrestling. And I was so pleased that I could share with him how I could identify with him.
Yoked with Jesus
Then a portion of Scripture came to mind and I shared it with him.
“Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)
I told him that this text had been a game-changer for me. How it made it clear that Jesus never intended us to shoulder the heavy load of life on our own. It was never intended to be our burden to carry alone.
The illustration that fleshed this out for me was shared years ago by a seasoned pastor who said the following during a conference I was attending:
“Back in biblical times, a more mature animal was yoked with a less mature animal. By virtue of age and size, the older creature shouldered more of the weight, established a sustainable pace, and showed the best direction. This is what Jesus offers us.”
As he shared that, I sensed the Lord whispering, “Dave, it’s not all up to you. I’m with you in the yoke. Let me shoulder the responsibility. Just walk with me.”
When I offered this personal example to my young protegee, there was a moment of silence. Then he said, “I so needed to hear this. It right-sizes so much of my unrealistic expectations. Thanks!”
Making the Load Easier
I encourage you, friends, to lean into Jesus’ words. If you are struggling with a sense of inadequacy and defaulting to perfectionism, take the Lord’s words to heart. Not only does He call you to join Him in the yoke of responsibility, He offers to shoulder the load.
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