Why Pastors Struggle After a Big Sunday
As I write this, it’s the day after Easter…and I am remembering what this day was like for me during my 34 years as a lead pastor. I’m also wondering if some of my fellow pastors may be feeling the same way today.
One would think that I would have viewed this day with a lingering sense of victory, savoring the Easter services of yesterday.
You would be wrong.
I know this seems hard to believe, but for many years this day was hard for me. I felt very much like the Old Testament prophet Elijah who, following the incredible triumph over the prophets of Baal on Mt. Carmel, was found hiding in a cave, exhausted and depressed (see I Kings 19:4-14).
So, what was behind this for Elijah? What was behind it for me? It may very well be the same thing that causes you to struggle after a big Sunday, and being aware may help you take steps toward recovery.
The issue has to do with a heightened vulnerability that can hit us any time but especially when we’ve poured out so much.
HALT Risk States
Why is that so? I found some answers in doing some study about the HALT risk states. HALT stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.
The model was first developed to help addicts in recovery see when they were most vulnerable to relapse. Since then, it’s been useful for other people too – both in the workplace and in their personal lives.
In considering both Elijah and myself, I could see how many of the HALT risk states were at play for him on the backside of Mt. Carmel and for me, on the backside of Easter. Let me unpack each of these briefly.
HUNGRY
Hunger can be a literal need. We need to remind ourselves not just to eat, but to eat well lest it lead to not only physical but psychological weakness. Perhaps you can recall those times when you skipped breakfast and found yourself uncharacteristically grumpy at work.
However, hunger can also be an emotional need – a need for things like affection, encouragement, and understanding. Such things can give you food for the heart.
In the case of Elijah, one of the first things that was given to him was food. And while I certainly needed healthy food in my situation, I needed the aforementioned emotional food even more.
After nearly every Easter, notwithstanding the crowds, I felt like a failure. I felt that I hadn’t led well enough…that I hadn’t preached well enough…that more people should have responded to the gospel. I was emotionally hungry and, therefore, vulnerable.
ANGRY
Anger is a normal, healthy emotion to experience. The important thing is to take time to understand what is causing your anger and see if it’s valid.
In the case of Elijah, he was angry at the faithless response of God’s people. In my case, the anger was typically directed at those staff and volunteers who (in my twisted thinking) hadn’t put in as much effort as I had.
Just as the Lord needed to right size Elijah’s anger, so I should have found someone to “vent” to and then hear their redirection. In my frustration and isolation, I came up with all sorts of accusations of unfairness, most of which were not true.
LONELY
Which leads to the next part of HALT. That is loneliness.
We can tend to isolate ourselves when we don’t feel like others can understand us, withdrawing into ourselves out of fear or doubt. This is what Elijah did and this is what I did.
God’s counsel to the prophet was to find someone to share his burden. That person was Elisha and Elisha accompanied Elijah the rest of his life.
In retrospect, I should have followed that lead. In knowing my vulnerability, I should have scheduled a meeting with a mature friend for that Monday morning. A time when I could deal with my hunger and anger by pouring out my heart but also an opportunity when I could be challenged as to what was really true (and not true) and encouraged for all the good that had in fact occurred.
TIRED
Finally, we’re quite vulnerable when we are tired. In reading the account of Elijah it’s clear that he was totally exhausted. He had been putting out huge amounts of energy in the days before. God’s prescription for that was to encourage him to sleep.
In the same way, I found myself in Elijah’s sandals during Holy Week. Typically, I preached at two Good Friday services and then got up at 4:30 on Sunday to preach at three Easter services. That was followed by a busy Sunday afternoon with family, and though always special, it drained what little I had left in my energy tank.
On Monday, all I could think was, “And now I have to start another week and do it all again.” In retrospect, I should have acknowledged my fatigue, taken a couple of days off, and not preached that next Sunday.
You may not be a prophet or a pastor (then again, perhaps you are), however, we’re all vulnerable to depression and temptation. And we would do well to recognize that this is especially the case when we’re in one of the HALT risk states.
So, when you find yourself struggling with a “Mt. Carmel meltdown,” take a moment to HALT and assess the situation through that filter.
Am I hungry?
Am I angry?
Am I lonely?
Am I tired?
Doing so will give you the ability to identify the trigger, the capacity to weather the storm, and the capability to move forward in a healthy, sustainable way.
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